Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
