why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize