I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
