I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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