He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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