Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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