Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
