We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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