I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
