How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
