I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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