I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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