The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
home. puking in laundry basket.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
