i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
