I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
