after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
