yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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