that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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