and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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