I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
