You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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