I wannas sexs uuuuu
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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