I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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