Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
