I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
