hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
