May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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