That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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