Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
