Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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