I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
