Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
