It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
