He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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