if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
