i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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