Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
