They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
