Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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