i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
