is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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