and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
