You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
