Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
