So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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