Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
