He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
