Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize
