i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
