saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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