He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize