I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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