once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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