Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
