Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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