I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
