beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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