After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
