Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
