i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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