you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
