just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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