Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
