Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
