yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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