he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
