Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
