Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
